Only Stupid People Get Lost in a Corn Maze
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“We thought it was fun, but it’s a nightmare.” A distraught wife and mother tearfully called 911 when her family recently got lost in a Massachusetts corn maze.
The maze, located on Connor’s Farm in Danvers, Massachusetts is known as the Salem Village Headless Horseman. It is 7 acres of family friendly fun, but not for the Everett family. This family of four got lost in this cornfield and couldn’t get it together. They were in the maze for hours. Just before it got dark, they made the call to 911.
What was their lame excuse for calling 911 and wasting valuable emergency services?
Of course, their five-year-old was terrified. But if you listen to the 911 call made by his mother, he wasn’t the only one scared of being out in the country. It was getting dark, and in their eyes, there was the possibility of the Boogie Man coming.
Being a farm girl, I can only laugh. I have no mercy for what I have to assume are City Slickers. There is nothing all that bad about getting lost in a cornfield. There may be some bugs to deal with at night, but how can you lose when you’re out in the sticks? It’s not that you’ve wandered into some pot farm where you step on that land and are instantly dead meat. If you visited a big city and found yourself in the “wrong” side of the tracks, what are the chances of you leaving with your purse, wallet or jewelry intact?
These people were a few ants short of a picnic, if you ask me. For one thing, the adults weren’t really adults. When it came to getting lost, they did not take control of the situation. Instead, they went into a panic and called 911. Don’t you think 911 and the emergency crews have better things to do than rescue these stupid folks? Even the dog who helped rescue this family of four could have utilized his skills on more worthwhile projects.
These dumb City Slickers weren’t worth saving. They didn’t have monsters chasing after them or bombs being lobbed in their direction, so instead of going into a panic, they could have strolled until they got out of the maze. Since they didn’t have the guts to do the old “fake it until you make it” method, they are now forever being made fun of by the media. Their ordeal is on record until the end of time.
How could you live this stupidity down? Next Halloween, what are the chances of this Everett family tape being run again as a reminder of the silly family who got lost in some corn maze before Halloween?
Being raised in the country and having cornfields nearby, here are some tips for the Everett family or any fools who feel the need to have 911 rescue them from their stupidity:
Oh, Honey, where was your man when this all happened?
Sad to say this, but where was Mr. Everett all of this time? Did he curl up in a ball and hide in the cornfield while his wife called 911? What’s the use of having a man you can’t count on? It is pretty bad when you have shown the world that you are helpless when it comes to your family. Do us all a favor Mr. Husband Lost in the Corn Maze and grow a set. If I had a set, I would give you mine. You really need some help with taking charge of your family’s needs. Man up and step up to the plate. You were so worthless in this situation.
Get a Garmin.
Go buy one of those gadgets if you happen to get lost easily. While you’re at it, maybe that same gadget can track down where you placed your brains. A Garmin or any of these devices is well worth the money because it can be traumatizing when you are made a fool in public. In fact, it is pretty bad when the whole world knows how stupid you can be.
Pay attention to the signs.
Corn mazes are part of the symbols of Halloween. You can find them everywhere. Something is very wrong with you if you happen to not find your way out of them. What did you do wrong? You got lost when nobody else did. Could it be that you weren’t paying attention to where you were going? How about reading the signs?
Follow the crowds.
When you’re lost, it doesn’t matter whether you are walking or behind the wheel. Sometimes, it just helps to sit back and enjoy the ride or the walk. If you had waited in the cornfield, most likely, other people would have walked your way. You could have followed them. If all of you got lost, take it as misery loving company.
Make like Hansel and Gretel.
Sacrifice the bread from your sandwich and leave a trail of breadcrumbs. If the birds eat the bread crumbs, that’s your problem. Find another way out of the maze.
This is a corn maze made out of a cornfield.
Mr. and Mrs. Everett, you are not in the woods. You are in a flat area surrounded by farms. Who will you most likely see? Flatlanders, of course. You are not going to be in the wilderness, wondering if you are near Mama Bear and her cubs. Do you understand? You aren't in a really dangerous place.
You paid to get lost, Dummies.
Connors Farm charges a $10 entrance fee per child, and the adults are “free”. It charges a separate entrance fee of $9.50 (ages 3-99) for its corn maze. The Everett family paid $9.50 a pop entrance fees for the husband, wife and 5-year-old. The newborn baby got in free. Total costs for this family friendly event: a whopping $48.50 in these hard, economic times. Yes, I can do a lot with $48.50. And, there’s a chance the Everett family could be charged for the 911 “emergency”. Because of their stupidity, a lot of efforts by the search team were wasted on these City Slickers.
Who wins in all of this?
Why, it’s Bob Conner, who owns Connors Farm. When news of the Everett’s getting lost in the Headless Horseman maze on October 11, 2011, the news spread like wildfire. The major newspapers and television news shows all over the United States ran this story over and over again. I’m sure Bob Connor is grateful for the free publicity. The Everett’s stupidity did have a positive note for Mr. Connor and his Halloween business. When interviewed by the media, Mr. Connor was thinking of marking the spot where the Everett’s got lost and had to call 911.
That poor 5-year-old Everett child. How traumatized he must be to see Mommy and Daddy fail him and not make him feel safe in that big, bad cornfield. Bob Conner did offer the Everett family free admission for next time. What they should have done is accepted his offer, sucked it up and returned to the corn maze. Face your fears people, and set an example for your child. Don't let some corn maze beat you. No one likes a coward.
This is the United States of America, so Bob Conner plays the game well. Make a buck whenever you can. When the media is on your side, go for the big bucks. If I were part of the Everett family, I would be in hiding and wishing the world would go away. In the name of Halloween, this incident was a lose-lose situation for them.
A Note From Arlene: This is my first attempt at writing about a timely media current event, but this is my story, and I'm sticking to it. I did get blasted for calling the Garretts stupid , but they are lucky that the corn maze that they got lost in was only 7 acres. 40 minutes from my hometown of Sacramento, California is the farming community of Dixon. In Dixon, Cool Patch Pumpkins is a family friendly farm which includes a pumpkin farm and an impressive 45-acre corn maze. This maze would have been a sheer nightmare for the Garrett family, who needed to be rescued by 911 for getting lost in a Massachusetts corn maze. Who knows how long they would have been lost in a corn maze like this massive one in California? The famous corn maze, designed by brothers Matt and Mark Cooley, was rated as the biggest corn maze in the world by the experts at the Guinness Book of World Records. Not bad for two lifelong farmers trying to draw business to a failing pumpkin farm.
- 2011 Guinness Record Corn Maze, Dixon, California
The Cool Patch Pumpkin Patch in Dixon, California is famous for its corn maze. The 45-acre corn maze has been listed in the 2011 Guinness Book of World Records.
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A memorable family friendly visit to the Bishop's Pumpkin Farm in Wheatland, California includes a special stuffed pumpkin dish shared by the Bishop family. The Stuffed Pumpkin honors the marriage of Austin and Chelsie Bishop and was served at the f
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I heard the call today and laughed so hard I almost wet myself!! Seriously though...lost for hours?! I've done corn mazes every year and let my oldest (10 and Mensa genius) lead the way...we are never more than an hour! This was priceless. Great recap and "You paid to get lost dummies!"
I'm not sure what to even say other than haha. I love it..."you paid to get lost, dummies."
jenubouka, I can't believe a man could not solve getting out of the maze for his family. There was no need to get his wife and kid upset. Yeah, it is pretty bad if I'm going to offer to grow a set so I could give my set to this worthless idiot. A lot could be said for a man who takes charge and takes care of business. If I was stuck with a jerk like him, this maze would be the turning point. I'd divorce his sorry ass.
Before we start badmouthing these people, consider this... Mother with a newborn, at dark, in a cornmaze. Women who do not have children, cannot understand what hell a woman's body goes through during pregnancy, childbirth and for several weeks after. Beyond the pain and discomforts, a woman's hormones are going absolutely crazy. This newborn was three weeks old, which is just about right for the drop of pregnancy hormones and potential start of Postpartum depression. This is potentially very serious. Some women are lucky and are able to shake it off, some (and I am guessing woman lost in a corn field is one of them) struggle with this for a long while. Everything is scary, everything is upsetting, anything that has to do with baby's safety or wellbeing is overwhelmingly important. If you listen to that call, she is talking about the baby.
It is easy to make fun of people, but sometimes it is better to look at reasons why they are reacting this way. What they might need is compassion, not laughter.
Just watch me, Ardie. After writing this Hub, I will probably get lost in a corn maze. We have our share here in Northern California. Last year, the storms destroyed a well-known corn maze. It was so sad because the farmer lost a lot of income due to the weather. But that's farming for you. You are lucky to have a MENSA genius in your family. I don't have kids, but I wouldn't mind having a genius (specializing in math, of course!) help me with my math. I don't have a clue. My brother was gifted, but his friends were in MENSA. They've made some outstanding contributions to engineering and nursing.
food4you, you are entitled to your opinion, but since I don't have children, I really don't care to hear excuses for this sad couple. These people were not responsible in the first place and because they screwed up royally and brought attention to themselves, so be it. That excuse for a "man" did not take charge to comfort his family. I am a take charge person. As far as Mother is concerned, she was stupid enough to take her newborn into a damn cornfield. Didn't she realize that weather changes in the fall just like that? I take care of business when things go wrong. It is obvious to me that something is very wrong with this picture, and it has nothing to do whether I have children or not. As a former reporter, I know there are two sides to a story, but their story and lack of brains as parents is pathetic. No, you and I don't know her side of the story, so I wouldn't read anything else into it like you do. The bottom line is that they took their children into unknown territory in the name of "fun". Too bad. Because of their stupidity, they are open game for the press and the public. Get used to it. People get bashed in the media all the time. Where have you been???
I have never been in a corn maze. Are you sure this is not an advertising stunt?
I now know the cost and location of a really great and challenging maze. I know it opens every year so I can plan a trip, if so inclined. Probably not.
leroy, I have a hard enough time getting up before 9 a.m. Yes, you are absolutely right. People these days will do anything for attention and the Almighty Dollar. It's like those so-called "reality" shows on television. How can you be yourself when you are followed by a director and camera crew? What's the truth to this form of entertainment? Whatever the case, I saw this piece on the news as I was doing my nightly ritual of Hub reading and hopping. It was the first time I wrote a Hub on something current. Of course, any responsible reporter would get the name and ages of these people, so you don't really know if these people are for real or not. Only their last name is given. There are pumpkin farms and corn mazes all over California, but I can't say they are my cup of tea. I can't pass up pumpkin pie with loads of whipped cream, though. How's that? That's more of my speed. Thank you for your comments and insights. I will remember you the next time I see a maze. I doubt if I'll wander through a corn maze, either. I prefer walking through an orchard, a forest or huge, open spaces.
Ummm, pumpkin pie. It is that time of year. If you put a pumpkin pie at the end of the maze, I would just go through the corn to get at it. No sense in waiting for Thanksgiving, so I better get baking.
leroy, I always wondered what people do with the innards of those massive pumpkins when what pumpkin pie calls for most of the time is the canned stuff by Libbey's. I did get a Hubber's recipe for pumpkin bread using real pumpkin. The thing is, I am afraid to use the real stuff because that can make for watery pie. What does the chicken say? Ba-Baaaak! Ba-Baaaak!
I use canned pumpkin. I have not found any difference between fresh pumpkin and the canned puree. If you have time, the crust is worth doing from scratch. If someone is insisting on fresh ingredients, they should try substituting butternut squash for the pumpkin. The taste and look of the finished product is the same and butternut squash is much easier to work with. There is less innards to clean up in butternut squash.
The only good part of the pumpkin innards is the seeds. You can roast those; but, that is too much work for my taste. I just throw them away.
Gee whiz, leroy. I'd be so happy if my hubby could cook like you. When you mentioned butternut squash, you did bring back some memories of my childhood. My mother used squash at times instead of pumpkin, and I know she used butternut squash most of the time. I am not good at roasting pumpkin seeds, either. I tend to forget about them and will go and do something else. I am good at burning them. I always make crust from scratch because I don't like the supermarket stuff that pulls away from the pie tin. I make my pie crust using my beloved red KitchenAid mixer. I know that sounds so lazy, but I get the same results. I also love to flute the edges of my crust. I've never been lucky growing pumpkins. My husband promised to take me to a pumpkin patch way out in the country. Tomorrow. That is, if it isn't pouring down rain. Looking forward to that.
Admittedly, it is strange that they got lost in a corn maze. Did they handle the situation improperly? Yes. However, for your future writing (this is the first article of yours I have read, so I'm not sure how you usually write) I would avoid making fun of people and calling them "fools", "stupid" and "idiots." I've done some stupid things in my life, I think we all have. That being said, you are entitle to your opinion.
Crosseyed: You are entitled to your opinion, but as New Hubbers, you and food4you have both made some mistakes when leaving comments. For instance, food4you went with a slant that this woman was suffering from "female problems" because she happened to have a newborn with her. Hello? Where was this "fact" in the newspapers? I didn't catch that. Listen up. Read the profiles on the writers who write Hubs. For your information, this is certainly not my first Hub. I am no newbie to HubPages, nor am I a stranger to the world of writing. I do have experience as a writer, reporter, photographer and magazine writer. In other words, I write for me or an editor if I truly need some cold hard cash. I don't answer to someone who tells me how to write. Whenever anyone writes, it's their opinion, and they are entitled to express themselves. Back off. If you were my boss and I depended on you for my pay check, I'd be writing for you. Since I don't, I'm not listening to your "advice" because your profile has showed me nothing about your writing background. In case you haven't noticed, writers don't play nicey nice just because you want them to. You are just as bad as her because you admitted that you don't know how I write because this is the first of my Hubs that you have read. Yes, you put your foot in your mouth with that one. I have written this Hub because I write to make people think. Imagine that! By the way, always check your work for errors.
Hi Arlene, my little dear IS gifted in math. Please dont ask where it comes from - I have NO idea. Must be her Dad :) What I cant understand about these people in the story is why they didnt walk THROUGH the corn (off the path) in one direction until they popped out somewhere.
You have an edge with your daughter, Ardie. Face it! Hahahahahaha. I'm getting attacked for writing this because one Hubber is telling me the mother has hormonal changes from having the newborn and shame on me for being childless and not understanding. What??? Who said the mother was having any of these problems with hormones and all that? Do I really care to get a lecture on this? I got another one telling me I should be more kind and not call these people stupid. Hey! Can you tell me what else to call these people? They surely are not at your daughter's MENSA level if you ask me! I laugh and will have to ignore the peanut gallery. They are taking things much too seriously, but they are new to HubPages. I give them that much. But you do have a point. Brilliant! I drove by a plowed-up cornfield yesterday. Yes, all they had to do was follow a row of corn out of there. I guess the corn maze being 7 acres was pretty scary to them. When I get lost, I enjoy the scenery until I am able to find my way. Can't say I've ever panicked enough to call 911 for the canine unit to find me. I do have some pride, you know. Also, when I scream, the surrounding states could hear me. Did those people ever thought of that? A professional whistle (the brass kind you find in law enforcement uniform shops) can be a good substitute. You can wear it around your neck or pin it to your shirt or ball cap when you're out and about. You can blow it until you pass out, don't you think? Someone will come if you make enough noise. I really don't understand why Mom and Dad Everett gave up so easily. There would be no way I would go into a panic and upset my child. That is, if I had one.
I'm not picking on you. Just giving you my opinion on how to treat others, just as you gave me your opinion on how to view these people. If you're going to write for the public you are going to get criticized.
Duh. Now you're backsliding. "Picking on me?" I blew you off--in case you didn't notice. You shot your mouth off without doing a profile check. That profile on HubPages reveals the writer. It is very obvious to me that you have no background in writing or what it takes to put your work out there. Or get paid for it. Don't you think I know that I will get criticized for my writing? I've had years of it, making my deadlines, and building a strong portfolio. Let's get this straight. You've written two Hubs and you're already the "expert". Unless I work for you don't ever tell me how to write. Don't insult me. I don't answer to you. I write for me. Deal with it.
I saw that! If its so horrible to make fun of these people why did Jay Leno do it last night? He has major PR people who would never let him upset the majority. Plus, I HAD postpartum with my second baby. I DIDNT LEAVE THE HOUSE - let lone flit through a corn maze willy-nilly. And postpartum didnt turn me into a hysterical mess or make me stupid, it made me sad.
There were soooo many things these people could've done instead of calling 911. A call to the farm of the maze (most phones have web access now or call 411 for Info), follow a row of corn until you come out, shout to see if anyone can hear you, ask for the "secret" before you start the maze. Im in Ohio and corn mazes are a dime a dozen here. Most have a trick such as "only make left turns" or "make a left, then a right, then a left, then a right over and over". Don't let others beat you up for having an opinion. Controversial topics bring in the traffic so go for it!
The one thing I find very frustrating about online writing is that on HubPages, you deal with a lot of pen names. I am not afraid of conflict or confrontation. What the hell? I'm an ex prison guard who worked at Pelican Bay State Prison, one of the worst supermax prisons in California and the nation. I certainly do not back down from the writing. I defend whatever I write. This is why I keep my legal name when I write because I do answer to my writing. The trouble is, you can't honestly communicate with people online. You can't face them. That is what I miss. The old talk over coffee, drinks, lunch or dinner. No wonder all these kids are having trouble with cyber bullying. When it comes to the Internet, you really don't know who you're dealing with, do you? How could you get communication skills just by computer? I would prefer talking to the person face-to-face, but the Internet allows for cowards. You can be anyone you want to be. But thank you so much for your comments, encouragement and insights. You are so right! This is the first Hub I've done on something current in the news, and it has been pumping up the traffic ever since! Next! I need to find some other topic. People in the public are open game to me. You can write about them or take photographs of them if they are on public property. Or you can do both! Thanks, again! If you do decide to take on the contest, let me know. Looking forward to reading it!
Arlene, I'd not heard or seen this story on the news, so thanks for a good knee slapper!
And yes, these City Slickers were STOOPID. Totally. That the Everett mom used her cell to call 911 instead of common sense to find the way out just proves people have become wayyyy toooo dependent on this Electronic Miracle. I hope the family WAS charged BIG MONEY for this completely unnecessary "rescue". Child Services should maybe be looking at her and Wimpy Husband's competence at parenting too. ;D
Hey Arlene - a little off topic here, but why don't you write about all the jobs you've had. As I've been reading your work and comments for a couple months it seems that you mention having worked a lot of various jobs. And now to find out you were a prison guard, too - a woman of many talents.
I heard the 911 call and I felt sorry for the couple even if it was a bit amusing. I can understand losing your sense of direction and panic setting in and then you are totally clueless. I would have never thought to call 911. Kelly Ripa (Regis and Kelly) was just talking about this yesterday on her show ... her and Mark always get lost, always and I sure wouldn't call them stupid. People panic.
Oh, JamaGenee, I love to hear from you and getting your insights. There is no way I would call 911 and pay for the rescue. I have way too much pride, and as a first born child, I do not want to be seen as weak and STOOPID. I love that. STOOPID. There's no other way I could describe it, but I do love the way you spelled it. Like I said before. If I am going to offer Father Everett my set of nuts (that is, if I happened to have a set--which I will never have), it looks pretty bad for this excuse of a "man". I can't believe the amount of traffic this current news piece has earned me. Love, love, love it! Maybe I should look for something else after my visit to a pumpkin patch today. The fall colors are just lovely in Northern California, now, and it isn't raining. Yes, there are times when the grass is greener and I wished I had children. But I would not be fair. I would only want to do fun things like wander through a pumpkin patch and a petting zoo during the fall season. Walk the floor at night with a sick child? Plan and fix nutritious meals? Shop for school clothes? Be a soccer/ballet/piano lesson mom/chauffeur/audience? Forget it!
k, Thank you! You have great ideas for my Hubs, and I am already behind. I appreciate your suggestions. Yes, I was a prison guard. I wanted to find out what it was like. Don't believe these National Geographic specials. Don't go wooooo, wooooo. This is so baaaaaaad, and I am scared. Pelican Bay State Prison was a walk in the park for me. I loved my very short time working there, but God does look out for his idiots like me. My Comp injury forced me out and into early retirement at 44. I began at 31. Which made me an old lady at academy. I've had many jobs because I get bored very easily with the job and with the people. Many correctional officers either promote or stay for 30 years. Oh, no! That would kill me. I had a hard enough time retiring back in 2002. I usually last a max of 5 years on the job. But yours is an excellent suggestion. I will have to take you up on it. Soon!!! Thanks, again!
In the spirit of the season - I can't help but think that you need to watch the entire Children Of The Corn film again.....perhaps that family had seen that one too many times?
"Stoopid" is the spelling used in the South to describe those who aren't the sharpest tools in the tool belt, or their actions. Usually pronounced (slowly) "stooooopid" to emphasize this lack of sharpness. You came close with "a few ants short of a picnic", whereas when I lived "up north", it was "a few sandwiches short of a picnic". I've also heard "they left the fries out of his Happy Meal" used to describe stoooopid behavior. Regional colloquialisms are sometimes far better at describing a person or situation than "proper" English! ;D
I laughed when I heard it over the news. I prefer your version--you make it funnier. To think they were not that far away from the entrance--well, it takes all sorts to make this world an interesting or dopier place.
I seem to have more ideas for your hubs than my own :) Just to contribute to the corn maze story - I did feel a little lost in one years ago with my family, but we just listened for the sounds of people outside of the maze and physical things (like tall light posts) to guide us in the right direction. A little logic and we found our way out.
Okay, Sunshine. I appreciate your comments and insights, and I know it is in your nature to be warm, bubbly and upbeat. No, I couldn't see you calling you this couple as stupid, but I see it very differently. I am familiar with farmland and the woods. I've been lost countless times, but I don't panic, nor do I rely on 911 to save me. I will work every angle until I find the situation fruitless. Why? I am a first born child, and so it my husband. We do not want to be perceived as foolish, weak or stupid. This whole event, whether staged or not, was a disaster. They were asking for trouble. I may be childless, but I would not take my newborn into a 7-acre corn maze during the fall season. Just knowing how the weather can go from sunny and glorious to stormy. Yes, people panic, but these people had no clue to handle this "emergency". It fries me that by being careless and allowing themselves to panic, the couple took valuable emergency services and expected the rescue. People always get lost in the woods around here all of the time because they don't take precautions or pay attention to where they're going. They've cost emergency services and volunteers who search for them time and money. They are a waste of manpower and taxpayer money. I have no mercy for stupidity. I see your POV, but this is my first Hub where I ventured into something current and in the news. As a rule, you don't waste the precious skills of an emergency rescue team, search teams, 911, law enforcement, volunteers, canine units, and law enforcement.. You never know who will really need their services. I'm talking about a near-death situation and other incidents where people could use the professional expertise. I was working on Hub hopping that night, and the blurb about this family appeared on the 11 o'clock news. So I played with it. I didn't expect the extreme amount of traffic on this Hub or the comments. I did have a wonderful time driving out to the country and snapping photographs of a pumpkin farm. But keep in mind that I do value your comments and insights. Stupid is not a permanent thing, and if you learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them, that's all that really counts. I hope the Garretts have learned from their well-publicized mistake. I certainly hope so. Until then, I stand firm behind what I've written. In case you haven't noticed, I don't back down. It's my nature. Thanks!
Wesman: I have to admit I have not seen "Children of the Corn" since I saw it at a drive-in years and years ago. It brought back a lot of memories. In fact, I'm falling out because I was scared to death at the time. Those so-called "children" were awful. Now I remember that red-headed boy. Of course, wasn't this Linda Hamilton's first film before "The Terminator"? So you've brought me down Memory Lane with Linda Blair spinning her head and now Linda Hamilton. You know, I could go and rent both films for Halloween. I could see myself hiding behind my furniture or running down the street, screaming. Thanks! I'll be laughing the rest of the day.
JamaGenee: When I was working in an office, the clerical staff used the XEROX machine for funny sayings and cartoons. They'd pass those out all of the time. I had a full list of those sayings. I think I have a copy buried somewhere. So much for my filing system!
Thank you, angin! And there is a very good chance of this event being staged for the publicity. That owner of the corn maze and pumpkin farm will make some money from the free publicity, and he is already milking it. Yes, it does take all kinds to run this world, but since this family wasted a lot valuable emergency staff for nothing, they were so in the wrong. I don't have a lot of sympathy for them. Yes, as you can only tell . . .
Oh dear, tragically hilarious. To be honest that's a pretty fun way to get lost! I've never been in one of those mazes but I've always wanted to. Taking a NEWBORN baby into a field? Yikes ridiculous! Where are they taking it next? Mountain hiking then to a theme park? Maybe they should take flares for next time they get lost ;-) I shouldn't jest...Great read thanks.
There you go, k! If only these "lost" people didn't panic enough so they didn't have to rely on 911 and waste precious emergency services. Just recently, a three-year-old was found after being lost in a forest close to here. Why is that? Unfortunately, this is common when it comes to the woods. I don't go into unknown places alone. Nor will I put myself in a panic while walking, biking or behind the wheel. What's even worse is the number of deaths in Yosemite this year. People getting lost, drowning or falling from cliffs. Accidents can happen, but really??? Why would you want to bother emergency crews when they have more important work to do?
Thank you so much, Textured Ideas. I am happy to hear from you and appreciate your sense of humor, comments and insights. I don't know about this corn maze attraction. I did take my baby brother to a charity haunted house many years ago. I walked in with him, but by the time we got out of there, I had half a dozen children hanging onto me. It was so funny. In fact, they were clinging to me as we walked through the house. I get lost all the time. Not only do I look lost, there are people who will always help you out. I am also good at screaming. If it came down to that, why not???
Because I do not have a great sense of direction, I ask for directions when I am lost anywhere-i.e. your comment about following other people out of the maze.
wesman-thanks for the link.
Flora, are you saying you are a "Children of the Corn" fan? Ay, yi yi. This could be the start of something very strange. Leave it to the man from Texas for finding these links. I am still rattled by the one he sent on Linda Blair spinning her head. Oh, the memories!
No, I have never seen it-I prefer classic horror films to the more morbid/odd kinds, but this is famous and if I can click the link without having to rent it, etc. that saves a lot of time. I thought I should check it out at some point. But if my reaction is anything like seeing the promos on linda blair-I refuse to see that film as the thought of it freaks me out-I will probably not make it through the film.
You have a very good point. I don't care to watch people being hacked up on film. As seen in the "Halloween" series. I am not a fan and haven't followed "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" or "Chuckie". I admit I hide behind furniture all the time. Or, I get busy in the kitchen. I am one big chicken when it comes to the hack-them-up horror films.
Exactly! This story was on Entertainment tonight and he even made his chick call 911 and they even said they were too embarrassed to show their faces. Hell if it was me I would start screaming like a maniac and run through the corn stalks.
I love it! jenubouka, you are soooooooo hilarious because I would do the same thing. Now that Wesman sent me a link to "Children of the Corn," more reason to scream and run, no? Have you ever seen that flick? It was so awful when I saw it years ago, but I knew I was hiding behind something. That link brought back so many memories for me. Yeeeeeoooow!!! I got lost in Yuba City, California after visiting a lavender farm in the hills of Lincoln not too long ago. I made a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the sticks near this small lake known for its catfish. I got to thinking about serial killer Juan Corona, even though he's been locked up at Corcoran State Prison for years and year. I still got scared. I kept driving until I found a familiar landmark in the distance and keep driving towards that. Success!!! Juan Corona committed his crimes when I was still in grade school. So what? I was still scared. Ooooooooooooooooo.
I haven't been able to psychoanalyze why it is I feel so compelled to leave horror film clips on your comments.
I can't think of anyone else I've done that "favor" for!
~nods~
I do appreciate you sending me those clips, Wesman. They are a link to my dash and furniture hiding days--to be repeated if I rent the movies. Hahahahahaha. Don't bother trying to figure out why you singled me out, but I am a bit flattered that you remembered me with these gruesome people. Never analyze anything you do. When I was a child, someone gave me those tests where the ink smears and look like butterflies. Well, that was the end of that tune because the therapist could not understand what I saw in those butterflies. I made it all up, and he was so insulted. I hated to disappoint him, but I am not your classic textbook case. Like you, I am a writer, but try telling a therapist that! Those inkblots, to a writer, take on lives of their own! If the therapist could not catch up with me, too bad for him.
Yes, yes I did. Thus screaming like a freak to scare off those devil children who lack discipline going around killing off people, they need to be laid over ma's knee and whipped a few times.
To the ill comments on this matter, jeez anyone take a friggin joke? It wasn't like Arlene was roaming around a corn maze lookin for a couple who decided to take a new born out in the cold just before the maze was closing, at dusk mind you, and not knowing their way around. Oh by the way they must of not saw the new technology for corn mazes this year about using GPS systems making the mazes harder.
I am a hermit and I even knew this. If you are to indulge in nature's elements don't forget your cohones next time, by god.
jenubouka, I think I am a semi-hermit--ready to slide into the role of hermit. Yes, some people can't take a joke. They automatically jumped into the defense of these stupid people and said I shouldn't be calling them stupid. Well, were they expecting me to be--Mother Theresa? What else would say to describe these people? I don't blame the children. I blame their silly-ass parents. I have no mercy and stand behind what I wrote. To hell if I'm going to write to please anyone.
This news story would have been funny if not for the fact that these two people are responsible for the wellfare of those children...Just Kidding! It was hilarious anyway! She kept talking about her baby in the 911 call--did she think the dingos were going to show up after dark and take her baby? Geez. I have never been terribly sympathetic toward people who panic. Yes we all get lost from time to time but getting turned around in a corn maze is not LOST. It's the whole point. I do sort of hate to see people with zero common sense raising children though...makes me kinda sad.
Hi there, S. G. Thank you for your comments and insights. Yes, this was funny but sad. Yes, I didn't know any word for it. Stupid was the only word that I thought was fitting. As far as I know, these were the very first people (even in the day of Garvin and tracking devices already built into our phones), who have ever gotten lost in one of our nation's corn mazes??? And I do wonder what kind of parents we do have here. As I see it, we have a husband and father who is nutless and needs to learn how to take care of business as a man. Then we have this wife and mother who takes her newborn into a cornfield. Hello? Hello? They could have least set an example for their kid in the act of not giving up. They could have returned to the corn maze on the free tickets from the owner and complete it. That way, the kid would know that you don't have to admit defeat the first time out. I remember doing that when getting bucked off a horse and getting back on to ride. Say, if I had given up and not even tried, that would be giving up to failure like these Garretts did. In fact, they failed all around. What a crying shame!
Oh yeah, a FINE example those parents set for the kiddies. Try to forget those kids are Future Voters...
It would only make sense to me for these people to take the free tickets, get a good night's sleep, and show up the next day at the corn maze to get through it. But by not doing this, they are telling the boy that shame and defeat are expected in anything you set out to do. Therefore, it's a good chance he could feel defeated in anything he takes on. At least, anything new to him. That's what I would have done, anyway. And a big, country-style breakfast beforehand. Need your energy for walking that 7-acre corn maze. A little all-American grease . . .
Wesman, I was thinking Children of the Corn all along! I grew up in a rural subdivision in Iowa that literally was surrounded by cornfields and after I saw that movie in college, I had a hard time going home to my parents' house. But now it's surrounded by other subdivisions so it's all good. : )
And as far as the comments, I think it's just a matter of the new people getting used to what I would call your "tough love" style of writing, Arlene. You call it like you see it and don't hesitate to call people out who display a lack of common sense, and that's why I enjoy your hubs so much.
Deborah, thanks for the comments! I grew up on a pear orchard, but cornfields bordered the property the north. This corn maze Hub that I wrote was my first current news event, and I could not believe the "hits" it got and the comments. But, I had a very good time with it. I had two new Hubbers telling me how to write my article, and as you know, I did not take too kindly to that. Yes, I do realize they are new, but their comments told me that they do not know anything about writing. I have 20+ years writing experience and here was this one Hubber telling me that I should not be calling people stupid or what ever else I called these people. I think I called them everything but morons. I thought, "Is this person NEW???" Sure enough. Checked the profile. Two hubs with a degree in philosophy and going for a masters. Yeah, right, Bud. He was the expert in writing, all right! Or was it a she? The writing couldn't tell me. I got a C- in philosophy when I was in college. What did I learn? "When you are weak, I am strong." And I left him the message that I didn't like his/her crap. No, this was the only Hub of mine that he read and I should be prepared for criticism as long as I write. Duh,hey! I could not believe this clown, but at the same time, I did not push the DENY button. I let him have it. Or her. Since his writing was not even good enough to reveal what sex he was. The one thing I will not put up with is someone telling me how to write. This is not an argument with me. I strongly believe you it is rude to tell anyone how to write because each writer is different. The styles are different. I didn't push the DENY button, so the Hubber's name is revealed. If you write anything that makes you look stupid, it's there for people to read. I may look heartless or stupid also, but I don't care. As a writer and with my real name to back it, this is the only way I will play. People can tell me all they want when they try to think I should change my POV or my writing, but guess what? They're wasting their time. Their opinions don't mean squat to me. You know what they say about opinion, anyway. In the newspaper business, to change your article is called a retraction. Before my fingers hit the keys, I cover all my bases. I defend what I write all the way. But if my facts are wrong, I will apologize for that. And I haven't had to do that in the years I've been writing. You never take what you hear or read as gospel, but people do. These days, with the Internet, you have to dig deep for what are the true facts. Even if it means putting your waders on to get past the garbage. Most of these cutesy pen names are too much for me. I start laughing while trying to make my point with these people. Are these people for real? How can I take you or your words seriously if you name yourself crosseyed??? I could picture someone looking at me crosseyed while I'm talking serious to them. How could I not laugh?
You're absolutely correct, they are stupid. A square seven acres would be approximately 207 feet by 207 feet, this one would be even narrower. We aren't talking about a very big area, and perhaps even worse it never occurred to these geniuses that you can walk THROUGH the rows. This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time, I was laughing all the way through. Thank you Arlene V. Poma.
Thank you, homesteadpatch, for leaving me such wonderful comments. I checked out your profile, so I'm sure (and also by your measurements stated) you are no stranger to cornfields. I was raised on a pear orchard in the Sacramento River Delta. Can't get lost in those places because of the roads cut between the trees are worn and wide. Believe me, I've seen some City Slickers do some strange things while being out and about in the country. Yes, I was blasted for calling these people STOOPID, but what else can you call them? Since this Hub, I've visited the 2011 Guinness Book of World Records Corn Maze in Dixon, California. That was 45 acres. Last weekend, it was the Bishop's Pumpkin Farm with its 4-acre maze. These places are close to my home. I think I am doomed to visit pumpkin farms and corn mazes until Halloween since I was such a Bad Girl for publicly calling this family STOOPID. You have to admit they got off easy because the media almost always reports the full names and ages of people they report on. They did get off easy, don't you think? I would hate to see the bill they got for the 911 call and the search and rescue team. That is, if they were ever billed. I would still go into hiding for that stunt. Name change and plastic surgery, anyone?
Had a good laugh the other night when an out-of-state friend called to tell me "you're never going to believe THIS!, and then started to tell me about the Lost In The Corn family. Sounded a bit disappointed when I told her I already knew ALL about it, from Hubpages...days ago! Anyhoo, the news clip she saw said the [IDJITS!] were only **25 feet** from the entrance. Good grief. That's the distance from my sofa to the far wall of the bedroom, and they couldn't figure it out???? DOUBLE Idgits!!! ;D
You know, JamaGenee, after writing this, I read that the Rocket Scientist family were very close to the exit by the time they called 911. So far, I have visited two pumpkin farms around Sacramento. One was the 2011 Guinness World Record Book corn maze holder at 45 acres and the other was only 4 acres. I briefly stepped into the 45-acre one and said, "Oh, hell no," took a few photos, and got out of there. So what they do is this trail and split it here and there to confuse you. No, I am already confused in life. I don't need to be walking around in a corn maze without my dad's machete. If I walked it alone, it would be a little over a two-mile walk to get out of there. I was told this person took one night to walk out of the 45-acre corn maze, so he came out of there the following morning. I'm a farm girl. I don't do corn mazes for kicks. I used to get rotten pears, line them up on the roadway, ride my bicycle as fast as I could, then put on the brakes and skid once I hit the pears. Now, that's my idea of fun! I do enjoy your terms like STOOPID and IDJITS! Which is why I don't mind this Hub popping up from time to time. I wish all my Hubs did this well!
A 45-acre corn maze? Ditto to the "Oh, hell no"! As for sliding into pears on your bike, can't say I ever heard of THAT one, but you did remind me I need to hunt for my recipe for pear halves with raspberry sauce! Thanks! ;D
Apparently there was another couple who got lost in an apple orchard and called 911. Saw it on CNN yesterday.
How can anybody get lost in an apple orchard?? If this keeps up, City Folks with have to surrender their cell phones when visiting farms of any kind! ;D
When you think about it, JamaGenee, there is so many ways to kill yourself in the country. I loved my bike. My godfather gave it to me, and it had those butterfly handlebars and the banana seat. Anyway, I drove it down a level much too fast, did an Evel Knievel and landed on my whoo-whoo. Against the "joint" at the base (where the handlebars meet the bike). I had this bruise that took forever to go away. I also was walking like one of those old cowboys who had been on a horse way too long. The pear recipe sounds good. Do you have a Hub on that? Everyone has recipe Hubs out, and I want to do them all. This when having a wife would come handy, wouldn't you say?
I love this Hub! Small town hicks like me and my husband don't need much to entertain them. Deborah, thank you for reporting this. I didn't catch this particular story, but anyone who has grown up in an orchard knows that there are so many roads out of there. For instance, my dad took care of a pear orchard, so he had to run a tractor between the trees to disc, fertilize and irrigate. Of course, he had to use a tractor to pull the machinery. Even when the land is fallow for the winter, you still had roads between the trees. HOW DUMB CAN YOU GET??? Couldn't these people do something more creative? People do so many STOOPID, yet creative things each day. Besides, who could top getting lost in a corn maze and only whaaaaaaat??? 25 feet from the entrance and call 911? If you're going to do something STOOPID, and people will remember you for it, make a huge, huge mistake. Make it count!
I don't think we should let City Slickers wander in a corn maze. Maybe we should string them together and put the "smartest" two as the lead dogs and put a walkie talkie, a map and GPS in their hands. Forget the cell phone. Don't waste the 911 call and emergency response crews. Of course, those two will need to pay extra for being know as "Lead Dogs." It's like having a dead end job, and the boss proclaims you "Lead," but doesn't pay you extra for your hard work and efforts. He is hoping your ego will make you work extra.
Apparently the Apple Orchard Idjits first tried to call the orchard's main number, got a recording so THEN they called the local PD's non-emergency number, but the dispatcher had them call back to 911 so 911's GPS locator could locate the them. Then the DISPATCHER called the orchard and *didn't* get a recording. The owner answered, and HE went out to "rescue" the "lost" couple. Thing is, they told 911 they were in a clearing with picnic tables, playground equipment and a small building with some sort of sign! That should've been enough info for Orchard Owner to find them, right? I'm thinking if he could put in a picnic-playground area, why not a "You are here" sign on that building...like MALLS have. City Slickers have NO problem finding their way in and out of a HUGE mall via those "You are here" kiosks, right????
You and your hubby are my kind of people. I too am wayyyyy too easily entertained! ;D
If me and the hubby can be entertained by watching bugs in a sealed Mason jar, it would be a lot cheaper if these City Slickers did the same thing. I spend my childhood growing up on a PEAR orchard, and you do find yourself out. If you can't follow the dirt roads running parallel, you can always cut through. Hey! You can even follow the sunlight. I had relatives with a house tucked away in back of an almond orchard. They managed to find their way to the main road. I mean, how can you be so "uncountryfied" when there is still some country left? Shall we teach Country 101 Survival, now? Shall we make little kits to give to these people? Maybe we should add bottled water, matches and rations. No--skip the matches. Who knows where they're gonna get lost next? I can't believe it. No one got lost when I was a kid, and a lot of people would ignore the NO TRESPASSING signs on private property, but all of them were able to get out of there. We didn't have cell phones. We had BRAINS.
Arlene, I think you're on to something here. Country 101 is a wonderful idea, especially for citified kids and their parents whose only exposure to "country" is the soccer or Little League baseball field on the edge of Suburbia. I was a "townie" as a kid but had several aunts and uncles who lived in the country, and hanging out with their kids (my cousins) was where I learned to find my way around without street signs and other city landmarks. Growing up in Kansas where country roads are laid out in sections one mile square meant that even in heavily wooded areas, I was less than a mile from the nearest road.
Sense of direction came from knowing "moss grows on the north side of trees" and "the sun comes up in the east and sets in the west". The last came in handy recently when my son's GPS app had its directions backwards and upside down. On more than one trip, it said we were going east or north when my brain (correctly) told me we were going west or east. From that experience, I can't help but wonder how many people who believe GPS is never wrong needlessly get lost because they believe technology over common sense. Probably thousands if the couples in the corn maze and the apple orchard are any indication.
"Country 101" could be a real money-maker, btw, for farmers and others who own large pieces of property. City Slickers would pay a fee to be dropped off in the middle of a designated area a couple of miles square without a cell phone or GPS device. But the real fun (and additional revenue) would come from being able to watch them wander around via strategically placed mini-cams (with sound)!
JamaGenee, I don''t know what it is about these people, but there are leash laws in some cities and towns. For some reason, if they are in the country, they will unleash their dogs and let them run free. Then they wonder why their dogs are shot by farmers protecting their livestock? It happened around here two years ago, and the dog owner was going to sue the rancher for the "wrongful death" of his Labrador retriever. Oh, come on, now. There are signs posted everywhere about not letting your dog roam. It was such an unfortunate incident, but the City Clickers actually wanted to sue the farmer for protecting his cattle and horses. This past week, I was walking my dog (on a leash), and a Labrador retriever ran at us. No leash. No owner close by. Now, I could see how menacing this dog looked. For one thing, it was huge. Although I had a dog like this in the past and know the personality, I still didn't know if it was going to attack us. I called for the owner to call the dog. When she showed up, she said, "Oh, he doesn't bite." At that point, I ripped her a new one and reminder her that there are leash laws in the city. But, of course, minutes later, that same dog came by to play. She was not around. And that's what we're dealing with, too. Entitlement issues. Those City Slickers who get lost are no different than the Irresponsible Dog Owners who think as long as there is some open land for Fido to play in, then Fido can go off leash. Without thinking about the consequences, the owners will do what they damn well please. I would also throw in Dog Owner Dummies Part I as part of the series. For allowing City Slickers to think that they can set their dogs free whenever there is a patch of grass available.
Along with Dog Owner Dummies Part 1, don't forget to include a few minutes in a field with the City Slickers between a horny bull and a few cows. When the bull starts to charge and the City Slickers' eyes are big as saucers, tell 'em "Oh, he won't hurt you" or "He doesn't bite".
This would work equally well in a pig sty, too. ;D
There was this City Slicker kid who was so dumb that he didn't know what doggie doo doo looked like after a good rain. There was this pile of it in the meadow, growing mold. Father and son were trespassing, but his father didn't have a clue what the stuff was, either. The kid said, "What's this?," and picked it up. Of course, dad didn't know either, so here was this kid with a moldy pile in his hands and his dad staring at it, too. Both spent a long time trying to figure out what it was.
hahahahahahahahahahaha! Good one, Arlene!!
Get this--JamaGenee. My brother, being the smart ass, says to the father, "I - THINK - IT'S - DOG - MANURE." Real slow. I still think they still didn't get it. They didn't ask where the nearest water faucet was so they could wash the kid's hands. They walked around some more and probably went exploring somewhere else.
Of course they didn't get it!!! tee hee! (You know I only visit this hub for the laughs, right? You have such a knack for throwing a spotlight on stoopidity!) ;D
Oh, thank you! It all has to do with your terms, STOOPID and IDGITS. I worked at a horse ranch about three years ago. There was this woman who boarded her gelding there and thought she was doing him a favor by putting Vaseline on his whoo-whoo. I didn't know that gelding owners had to clean their boys occasionally, but at least I went to the feed store and bought the proper stuff. At least I was following proper procedure. When you do it right, the horse automatically lifts its leg whenever you're around. It's like walking around horses when they get used to seeing you with the feed bag. Not only are you a food source, you are also the whoo-whoo cleaner. Jeez. You will never live it down at the barnyard.
Wow. I'm forever humbled. I have a son and several grandsons, so I've been a whoo-whoo cleaner for years without knowing the *official* name for the process. Thank you sooooo much, Arlene, for expanding my knowledge! ;D
Why, thank you, JamaGenee! I thought I'd shared that bit of information with you. So it turns out that if you buy a horse, you will either end up with a cuckoo mare because of her hormones, or if it's a gelding, you will forever be a whoo-whoo cleaner.
No chance I'll be buying (or even riding) a horse any time soon, but will sure keep that in mind! On second thought, had the Corn Maze family been on horseback, ya think they coulda been high enuff above the corn to find their way out? Oh, never mind. Obesity is curable, stoopidity is NOT. lol! ;D
I have no hope for these people, JamaGenee, but if they were on horseback, there could be a chance of them finding their way out of the corn maze. That is, if they could mount those horses properly. If you can't find your way out of a corn maze, what are the chances of you getting on a horse and riding it out of there? After all, horses do need guidance from their riders. Maybe it would be better with they let the horses do the thinking. Horses can find their way back to the barn. That's where the food is.
Exactly. lol!
I think the farmer at the corn maze should market T-shirts and key chains honoring the family who got lost. Why not? Aren't Americans known for their marketing tactics? How about a cook book and coasters? Souvenir spoons? Postcards? Wouldn't that be fun? Next year, maybe another family can top that. Maybe not.
Sounds like a winner to me. If nothing else, the price of admission should include a T-shirt handed out at the exit point that says something like "I DIDN'T have to call 911 to get out of this maze". I think you missed your calling, Arlene. You should be in STOOPID-based Marketing! ;D
JamaGenee: Don't forget those T-shirts that say, "I'm with STOOPID." Instead, it could read, "I'm with the STOOPID IDGITS who got lost in the the corn maze." I've done a lot of STOOPID things in my life and got lost millions of times, but I never had to call 911.
I'm guessing you really really REALLY like "stoopid" and "idgit" a LOT. I take credit for the new spelling of "stupid", but have to admit I borrowed "idgit" from a fellow born and raised in Oklahoma. (Please - no "stoopid Okie" jokes. He was wayyyyyy too smart to get lost in a corn field!) ;D
Yes, I do like STOOPID and IDGIT lots and lots. I will always be grateful that you "introduced" me to these terms. I don't know of anything else in my limited vocabulary which could describe this family of STOOPID IDGITS. No STOOPID Okie jokes from me. A member of my family reminds us that he is an Okie, but he is quite charming. But not as charming as the gentleman I met while on a Hawaiian cruise. Quite the Georgia peach, but I could not believe this charmer was someone's grandpa!
I've met a few of those eye-candy charmers from "joaja" and each time deeply regretted that I hadn't met him MUCH earlier so he coulda been my grandkids' grandpa. ;D
Oh, how funny! This one was a cutie and such a flirt. He didn't care if my hubby overheard our conversation. He said he wanted to take me home with him. To what? His peach orchard? We met again at the ABC convenience store, and he admitted he was buying souvenirs for his grandchildren. Whaaat??? Grandpa??? Whaaat??? But if I were single at the time . . .
There were several guys in my high school class who showed up at the 20-year reunion (meaning we were only 37-38) with a wallet full of pix of the grandkid(s). One of my uncles became a grandpa at 34. (Yeah, kids got a different type of "edjicashun" on the back roads of western Kansas...) Had the big C not got him a few years later, he would've been a great-grandpa at 50. Anyhoo, gray hair (or no hair) and wrinkles are NOT a requirement for grandpahood.
You are so right! Or do they call it "spot on" these days. I should get out more often, but I don't. The Georgia peach charmer in Hawaii was short, chubby, and balding. But it was something about his eyes and that smile of his. 50 is awfully young to be grandpa material. Now that people quit asking me if I have children, they now ask me if I have grandkids! I'm telling ya, JamaGenee. I don't get no breaks over here in Cali.
jenubouka Level 8 Commenter 7 months ago
So you heard as well? Pretty damn funny when put in your words.