In Praise of Younger Men

I’m no predator lurking in the shadows of some bar in hopes of “trapping” a man younger than me.

“You’re robbing the cradle,” said a relative when she heard that I was marrying a man that was 11 years younger than me. How rude of her to say that, but knowing her, I am not surprised.

A younger man just happened to be the man I chose to marry. I didn’t marry him because he was young. No one thinks twice of an older man marrying a “sweet young thing,” but they will poke fun at an older woman shown with a younger man.

Sorry. I have a daddy. I don’t want to marry one. I also had my share of relationships with older men, and they didn’t work out. I simply do not like being controlled by anyone. Many of my friends are married to older men, but over the years, they have drifted from their husbands. Some of them have thrown themselves into part-time, full-time or volunteer work so they wouldn’t have to be home with a retired spouse.

"You're only here to get away from your husband," most women would tell me. Sadly enough, a lot of women in volunteer work are only there to get away from their husbands. Or they find themselves alone most of the time because their husbands spend hours away from home, pursuing their interests.

No, I volunteer if I believe in a cause, and not to run away from what I have at home.

Older men will rule the roost.

“Don’t we always want them young?” asked one man who was over 40 and still single.

Just because a man is older doesn’t mean he is going to appreciate his mate. Whether you are young or old in a relationship, age does not automatically mean you will be respected and appreciated.

Don't ever assume a man with experience usually will not cheat. Some men are good at being “discreet” about cheating. Whether a man cheats or not depends on the man. Never assume a man, because of his old age, will not cheat.

So if you have a man who is “established” in his career and has his share of toys and money, there is no guarantee that he will share them with you. The “sweet young thing” in his life can be considered a trophy wife and look good on his arm. You are merely window dressing to most people he associates with because they are older than you, too.

Unfortunately, legend has it that the older, experienced man is good in bed. No guarantee here, either. But, the idea of an older, experienced man has sold a lot of romance books, television shows and movies.

He is grown up and has “been there, done that.” So if you are a younger woman who is with an older man in a relationship, what are you going to do when you experience growth and want to follow different interests from your husband? There is a good chance that you’ll outgrow him. And once he finds that you are no longer his major cheerleader and shadow, do you think he will be gracious and let go?

Older men in relationships with younger women are usually in the driver’s seat. In a marriage or relationships, they usually don’t share. In fact, they expect things to go their way. They are used to calling the shots and do hold the power in a marriage.

Unfortunately, in this society, women have been spoon fed to look to men to provide and take care of them. The examples of the older man/younger woman are on movies and television. Young girls to older women read about more of these myths in romance novels and fiction. It is sad to think that woman still rely on men instead of first relying on themselves. Yes, there is no shame in being taken care of by an older man when you happen to be a young, helpless female.

If you marry a man 8 years your senior or older, be prepared to be in a marriage where you voice will always come in second or not heard at all. And since your mate is much older than you, there is a space in years where it is natural that you will not be on the same page.

So what do you have to look forward to if you are a younger woman married to an older man? Did you ever think there is a possibility that he will want to replace you with someone younger if your marriage didn’t work out? Have you noticed how easy it is for men find new mates?

What about your golden years? Since you do have a space of years between you, be prepared to be his nursemaid if he slipped into ill health. This is quite common, but many women don’t talk about it. They think care giving is expected of them, so they put up with the task and don't ask for help.

A Marriage to a Younger Man

The tables are turned. As an older woman, you have the career, the house, the money, and the material things that you have earned over the years. You have traveled. And you do have experience with men. So instead of hooking up with an older man or a man close to your own age, you have a younger man as a partner. How did this happen?

A younger man is different from an older man.

When you met him, you were attracted to him and not the “benefits” that came with him. If you are an independent woman who has pride in what she does in life, why would you need to latch onto an older man with power and money? Why would you have this need to have a man take care of you? When you can live your life on your own terms and are the boss of your life, you will not settle to be a shadow to any man.

A younger man is trainable.

An older man is set in his ways, and in his household, he is king. It is his way or the highway, and he will seldom change. In this household, you are the traditional servant. You will pick up after him and take care of the kids and the household.

A younger man is more open to being your partner if you tell him what you want and what you expect of him. He will at least listen. You will not see an older man as a house husband. It is beneath him. But a younger man will step into the role.

In a younger man, you have better chances of having a team player in your life.

As long as an older woman does not step into the role of a Sugar Mama, she will find close to an equal partner when it comes to a younger man. The idea of sharing is there, and there is no division of power. Usually, a younger man is secure with his life and career. There is no competition in the relationship. If you do it right, you agree to work as a team.

The myth of the old man and the benefits he brings continues.

Most women may grow up believing that it is best to marry an older man, but once in the constraints of the marriage, they will find how controlling an older man can be. As long as there is a belief that women are expected to marry a man older than them, the myth will continue. Marrying an older man does not guarantee an easy life for the younger woman. For part of the marriage, it may seem ideal to have a breadwinner in the family and someone who makes the major decisions. But in real life, marriages based only on benefits do not last forever.

Women of any age are don't have a clue about their own happiness when their only focus in life is only on the care and feeding of their husbands. As a younger woman with a much older mate, you have agreed to give the man center stage as long as you are married. Most likely, he is the one who has the earning power and material wealth. Maybe, in the marriage, he does not want you to work and may or may not provide you with some kind of allowance.

An older man may have what a woman wants at the beginning of the marriage. Most likely, he has an education, a career, money, a house, and a car. He is well-traveled and has dated many women. He could be divorced and have children and grandchildren. So as a young woman married to an older man, where would you fit in? Or would you fit in at all?

Since women live longer than men, most women don’t think or plan ahead when they will someday be living alone. Marriage to an older or younger man should never be taken lightly. Don’t slip into denial and think you’re found a prize or benefits for life.

Find a man who could go the distance with you. If you make your decision to marry based on what a man has to offer you in "benefits," you aren't looking at the big picture. You have made your man the major star and center of your life, and by doing this, you are simply leaving yourself out of the equation.

As a woman, when you don't allow for growth in your life, you aren't concerned about your future. You are simply allowing yourself to become a zero.