Is This Your First Online Rodeo?

I’m a writer—not an editor. I’ve been reading a lot of Hubs since joining HubPages, and because I do a lot of reading and a lot of writing, sometimes I feel like I’ve crossed the line and became an editor whenever the mood strikes.

There is nothing wrong with being inexperienced as an online writer. As I read a piece, I am right 99.9% of the time when I come across a beginning writer. If the writing doesn’t reveal an inexperienced writer instantly, reading the writer’s profile (if, there is one at all) will give that writer away.

I found out about a year ago that online writing is truly a different kind of beast when it comes to the world of writing. As one who has tried just about every type of writing there is, online writing is like some mysterious lover who can dance the dance with you, but is always one step ahead of you and not giving up any secrets. But at the same time, you are the one doing all the work and struggling to keep up. You are left on the dance floor in the end, and as you stand helplessly alone, you wonder if you will ever get it right.

I speak from my own online experience. If you allow your online work to be published with a lot of flaws, your work will follow you until you die. I have pieces of online work out there that I would like to see disappear because the flaws in my copy make me look stupid. As a writer, your job is to relay information to your readers and make them think. So when your writing has many problems with spelling, punctuation and grammar, how can you expect people to overlook your horrible presentation and consider you the expert? How can they trust you enough to continue reading?

Say, if you pitched your work to a magazine, book publisher or writing contest judge, and they wanted samples of your work, something you had published online would qualify. But if your sample of online work had nothing but flaws, there goes your chance in selling your work until you are able to produce flawless copy which shows the publishing world that you are worthy of being published.

How do I know this? I’ve done it myself. When I retired and wanted to rev up my writing, again, I assumed my online writing would be gone over by a copywriter or an editor. I was wrong. When my editor mentioned that my two clips were not acceptable because of all the typos and spelling errors, I had to convince her that I was willing to work hard as one of her staff writers. I talked my way into her giving me a chance. She did give me a chance, but it took me all night to write the article she wanted. But once I figured out what she wanted, wrote the piece and handed in a flawless sample of my writing, she bought my piece and hired me for a long term project.

As I Hub Hop or read the Hubs published on Hub Pages, here are the writing examples I have found with the most terrible blunders you can imagine. As I continue to read Hubs, I will add to this list. In the meantime, here is my list of repeat offenders and my reasons on why you should avoid including these in any writing you do. But if you want to remain inexperienced and show no growth as a writer, be my guest and showcase the following in your online writing:

Start or end your Hub with copyright information.

People will steal everything and sometimes a copyright won’t protect you. I have friends who have had their copyrighted work like photographs and screenplays stolen and used elsewhere. It is understood that if your writing was stolen, you would either do something about it or you won’t. Copyright information in a book is printed in very small letters in the front of a book. If you put your warning and your copyright information on your Hub, it pulls the readers’ attention from the article. Believe it or not, readers do know your work is important to you, but you don’t need the legal stuff to remind them.

Don’t print your entire Hub in boldface, boldface italics, all caps or in colorful lettering.

Stick to the norm used by other Hubs. It is your writing and not the choice of lettering and colors to draw the readers’ attention.

Don’t write your Hub using big blocks of copy.

To keep your reader’s attention, break up big blocks of copy in paragraphs which have direction and add illustrations, including photographs or video to your Hub.

If you have to tell your readers why you’re writing this Hub and what’s it about, you’re wasting our time. Clear, concise writing will not need an introduction or any explanation.

Don’t start or introduce your article with phrases like: “The purpose of this article is--,” “This article is about--” and “This is a touching story about--." This will work for a child doing show and tell or a book report in front of classmates for the first time, but not for a writer relaying information to readers. Show some confidence in your work and jump right into your Hub.

"This is my first attempt at--" As your reader, I don't care if it is your first attempt at writing this Hub or if you are writing your last Hub on your deathbed. If you are trying to get my attention or my sympathy, you're ass out. So shut up and write. Writers don't get it right the first time, and they have to edit their work, anyway, so your attempts don't count. It's the final draft that does.

Don’t explain that “These steps are modified and written in my own words.” Who cares? Are you writing for dummies? Leave this statement out and write the Hub. Who else would be writing this piece but you?

“This is only my opinion.” Duh. Is this an apology, too? You know what they say about opinions, boys and girls. Why bother writing this when this is your Hub and you are the one writing it?

"I suggest--" Drop the suggest and get to the suggestions.

"My only complaint is--" Okay. So you are trying to show us how to save money or do something. At the very start, you are already complaining about the process to your audience. Quit complaining and slant your Hub towards the positive.

"This is an online opinion--" Tell us something we don't already know. Yes, you are giving your opinion. And, you are online with it, aren't you?

"I ask for your patience--" This is what my waiter says to me when the restaurant is busy and he is late taking my order.

"This hub explains--" Must you explain the upcoming explaining?

"I thought I'd throw this out there--" Throwing out your very best doesn't mean we're going to come out and catch it.

The title of your Hub is the first thing the reader sees, so don’t screw up the capitalization, spelling or punctuation. Although you may start your Hub’s title as a question, don’t answer the question in the very first sentence of the first paragraph.

As Passengers on a Cruise Ship, Can We Get Along?

Of course, we can.

If you answer the title/question right away, you won't need to write the Hub, will you?

Don't start your recipes with ingredients or directions.

Most of us are cooking for ourselves and our families. We buy our cookbooks for reading, photographs and the recipes themselves. It doesn't mean we are going to cook or bake everything we read. Do us home cooks, chefs and wannabe culinary stars something to work with. Make your recipes interesting by introducing them with some history or background of where it's from. Don't just label the recipe, then go straight into the ingredients or steps. Anyone can do that. Make your recipe interesting for those who want to duplicate them at home.

In recipes, are you sticking to what most chefs and cooks are writing?

When a recipe Hub reads, “220 Degrees Celsius,” I wouldn’t try the recipe at all. I am an American with a Sears’s convection oven. Is there a simpler way to write this? That also goes for metric measurements.

Knock it off with the name-calling and use profanity sparingly. If you aren't going to spell it out, and use letters and symbols instead, the word doesn't exist. If you don't spell it out because you are chicken, don't expect readers to figure out what you mean and fill in the blanks. We're not playing Wheel of Fortune.

Recently, I ran across a Hubber whose profile said he specialized in empowerment and relationships. In his writing, he referred to a certain group of women as bitches and wrote them down as b$%&es. So is name calling his definition of empowerment?

If you are going to do some name-calling, at least spell it out. Otherwise, this Hubber's statement and what he says he stands for does not hold water because there is no such thing as b$%&hes. B$%&hes is not a word. Or, are you afraid to use the word and think no one will like you if you did? Make up your mind.

HubPages, surprisingly enough, allows its writers to use profanity, but I notice here that profanity is used sparingly. Which is a good way to go because profanity does not have to be constantly repeated to be effective. Leave repeated profanity to that pack of junior high kids when they get together at the mall. Too much profanity in the piece tells readers you have nothing else to hold our attention.

BTW, are you getting this? Do u understand?

As readers, we don't want to try too hard when it comes to understanding your writing. Don't write in abbreviations or codes and expect us to follow along. Save that for your emails, texting and Twitter.

Curb your enthusiasm.

I found a Hub with a total of 17 exclamation marks. Either the writer loved exclamation marks or liked the way they looked. Unacceptable.

Cliches

Cliches are tired, worn expressions people have used for years. Here's one I spotted in a Hub, but I'll post more as I come across them. They can be found everywhere, but since we are used to seeing and hearing them, they are sometimes overlooked.

"first and foremost" You hear this a lot in speeches when the speaker wants to focus on the first and most important subject. Why would you want to introduce the focus and importance of the subject you're going to cover? In any type of writing, isn't the focus on the most important topic? And don't you make this important topic first priority?

"when all is said and done" "bed of roses" "tail wagging the dog" "the grass is greener"

I'll add to this list as I catch them. I am not immune to cliches, either. I am always using "cuter than a bug's ear" when I see cute toddlers and puppies. Okay, so I admit it. Guilty! I will use cliches in my speech and writing, but not all the time. I have to make the effort to knock it off!

Repeat offenders or online rookies use the following to bring a close to their Hubs. They think this is the acceptable way to end their piece. Little do they know that these are red flags showing their inability to close their articles? Out of all the examples I have given you, the following words and phrases highlights very poor writing:

“Enjoy!” This is my #1 most hated word to end a Hub. Don’t tell me to enjoy your Hub. If you were my waiter, waitress or Ina Garten as the Barefoot Contessa on The Food Network, I’d listen to you, but since you aren’t, I'm shutting down as your reader.

When a writer does this, it has the same effect on me as a woman who runs her 3-inch fingernails down a chalkboard. Or when my husband scrapes his plate with the tines of his fork. It's all the same reaction.

“Cheers!” Wasn’t that a long-running television series with Ted Danson and Kirstie Alley?

“I hope you had a great time!” Yeah, right! We were never dating in the first place.

"Y'all come back, now!" This is not The Beverly Hillbillies. You aren't Jed Clampett. I'm cute and love critters, but I'm not Elly Mae.

"Thanks for stopping by!" I'm not your neighbor, coming over for a cup of coffee, advice and a cup of sugar for my cake recipe.

"Have a nice day!" or "Have a nice rest of the day!" Oh, pullllease. Don't tell me what kind of day to have. Only if this could come from Forrest Gump while he eats his box of chocolates or maybe the box boy at the supermarket who is trying to promote to courtesy clerk.

"Have fun!" Isn't that what Mommy says when you leave home meet with your friends?

"Have fun and best of luck." Unfortunately, this was thrown in and ruined a well-written Hub. If you were confident about your writing, you wouldn't suggest that your reader have fun or have the best of luck. You are merely using this as filler.

If you post your word count anywhere in your Hub, you have shown your readers what a rank amateur you are. I am embarrassed for you. Save your word count for someone who cares, like an editor or a publisher. Word count is worthless information and not acceptable for use in a Hub.

:( or :) or :o or :o) or :o( or :-) or :-( or :(( or :o(( ir :-(( or :)) or :o)) or :-))

This is so cutesy that I want to throw up all over your copy and you. Are you trying to tell me how you feel right now? Are you trying to tell me how I should feel about your writing? Or are you one of those people who likes to draw or write on fogged up or dirty car windows with your fingers and need a fix? Save this for your emails. In a HUB, this looks simply juvenile.

Don’t bother to tease me because I won’t like it and don’t have time for it. If you are telling me how to do something, you will lose my interest when you ask me to wait around for Part 2 of your Hub. Online, everyone is an expert, and you aren’t that important to wait around for. On the Internet, I have plenty of experts to choose from.

“In my next Hub, I will tell you how I made more money.” When I see this, I am moving on. For all you know, I'm wasting away in Margaritaville. I want this information now, so I won’t wait around for you. I’ll find someone else who can help me the first time out.

So here are my examples found in not-so-great Hubs. As I read more Hubs, I will expand this article. If you have any ideas about writing that you’ve found unacceptable in Hubs, please comment on what you feel I have left out.

I am aware that we all make mistakes as we write our Hubs. Writing is a lifelong journey, and as writers, we experience life differently. But as I Hub Hop and read published Hubs daily, I am also on the lookout for my own mistakes. When I find them, I correct or edit them.

A Note from Arlene: Writing for HubPages can be a terrific online learning experience for any writer. At the same time, as a beginning online writer, don't get sucked into the myth that you will make all kinds of cash right away. I have written several Hubs on Hubs to guide you with your writing. Check them out and vow to stick with the writing. You will never know where online writing will take you unless you are open to master the art.