Why Good Girls Get Trampled

In the world of dating, if you play it young and dumb, you get trampled.

Don’t get me wrong. Women are fascinating creatures. In case you are a woman and haven’t noticed, you go through many phases in life before you settle into being “older and wiser”. That is, if you grow up at all.

Forget I said “older” because there are women out there who don’t like the thought of aging and will fight it with all the modern amenities which include plastic surgery and Botox. But when it comes to aging, ladies, forget about fighting it because in the end, you lose.

I have a relative who is a Botox junkie. She is now in her 90s and has flawless, youthful skin as smooth as a baby’s butt. It’s like buying a brand new kitchen appliance and putting it into a kitchen with 1970s particle board cabinets. It’s a clash of eras, and nothing matches.

Let’s go back to being female and young and dumb while dating. To help avoid this tragedy and not make it a lifelong sentence, here are tips to keep you smart and happy because there is nothing as pathetic as a dumb girl who turns into an old married woman with a ball and chain for a boyfriend, lover or husband.

Admit to Being Inexperienced with Men

There’s nothing wrong with being inexperienced in anything. But don’t stay too long in that department because that gets old. Admit that you don’t know all that much about men and dating and become determined to learn. Ask and observe the masters of the game. People who don’t ask are fools and don’t learn or get ahead in life. Learn from the wisdom of others. Take any advice they give you and learn from their mistakes. If you make any mistakes in the world of dating, forgive yourself as you learn from your mistakes, then move on with your life.

The Number of Years in a Relationship Does Not Always Equal a Happy Marriage

Do you know anyone who has a marriage lasting 25 years and over? If you do, can you spot the couples who are truly happy? People hide things so well, and once they fool other people about how happy they seem to be in a marriage, they sink into a make believe world of happiness that they created all their own.

If you believe getting married and staying married for a long time will fix your life for you and you will always be happy because you have a man in your life, guess again. If anything in your marriage goes wrong and stays wrong, divorces are usually very easy to obtain by either party.

Move in With or Marry Any Man Who Will Have You

In the world of dating, haste makes waste. Don’t be desperate to marry, and don’t latch onto any man out of some need to be a couple or married. Women who make it a habit of hastily making plans for moving in with the man or getting married as soon as possible are setting themselves up for heartbreak. Young and dumb girls can't get past girlhood dreams of being married and having babies. Which makes any available male a candidate for marriage in their starry eyes.

There were times when women took menial jobs after high school and believed they would be saved and supported by a man by the time they were in their early 20s. Today, there is no reason why a woman should not go after a career or college, but there are still women out there who believe their major role in life is to have a man’s children and stay home to take care of his needs, the kids and the household.

Do Anything and Everything for Your Man

Make your man the focus in your life and put his wants and needs above yours. This will keep you young, dumb, miserable, tired, and hating life.

Unfortunately, some parents raise their daughters for nothing in life but marriage. Or possibly, it's a cultural thing which spans the generations. It is unfortunate when young women are brainwashed into thinking that marriage and being an obedient, good wife is the only thing they are cut out for.

If you do anything and everything for your mate as a lifelong habit, you are most likely practicing the art of enabling and co-dependency, and that is a very dangerous place to be. There is no growth or joy for you here. When you think about it, this is not a relationship, either because you have allowed your power in the marriage to shift over to your mate.

When you do anything and everything for the man in your life, then your life becomes nothing. You are nothing because you don’t have a life. You were stupid enough to give up the joys of your own life to concentrate on your man. This is a phase where a woman steps into the role of martyr. Nothing she does is ever for her.

When you make yourself always available for your man and later include your children, you become an instant doormat. Over a short period of time, you will be expected to fix every problem which pops up in your household.

Are you appreciated? Never. This is a sad fact of life when nobody cares if you sacrifice your needs to take care of your husband and your children, but some women like playing the role of martyr because they think it is expected of them. By the time you look back at this period of your life, there is nothing you'll feel but regrets.

When it Comes to Men, Don’t Expect Happily Ever After

In real life, happily ever after belongs in fairy tales. If you believe, as long as you stay married or attached in a long-term relationship, you will live happily ever after, then you can expect heartache and disappointment. Relationships have ups and downs, and successful relationships are strong enough to survive them throughout the years . People change, and sometimes not for the better. There is no guarantee young and dumb girls grow up and embrace change. Some 60-year-old women still remain in 15-year-old minds. Young and dumb girls practice denial when their grown up relationships go south. Some deny themselves the chance to become older and wiser.

So as a young girl learning the process of dating, are you up to becoming older and wiser one day?

Time will tell.

A Note from Arlene: I have enough Young and Dumb Girls experiences in my lifetime, so I don't mine sharing them. I don't have any degrees in psychology or social work for that professional touch. My writing is based on my problems in life and how I managed to solve them. Check out my Hubs, and I hope you learn not to make my mistakes.