Cancel the Mail Order Bride
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Are you one of those fools who put in for a Mail Order Bride? Excuse me for my rudeness, but don’t take it personal as I get a good laugh from your stupidity.
I am an American citizen. I was born in the United States and just happen to be of Filipino descent. When people figure this out, a lot of them assume I know all about Mail Order Brides. I have family and friends who were dumb enough to either marry a Mail Order Bride or were desperate enough to marry an American to get into the country. These marriages have nothing to do with building a long-term relationship out of love and respect. It’s all about the desperation to marry.
Face it. You’d be better off alone than having to tangle with a woman from a foreign country. At last count, the last man I knew who married a Mail Order Bride has completely disappeared from the Facebook radar of family and friends. Maybe he learned that he is now stuck with a woman he had brought to this country. Could he be happy? Probably not. Let me walk you through his story. You will find that he isn’t much different from any man who has ordered a bride this way. I am sure he kicks himself on a daily basis for doing this.
The Facebook pages.
When Troy announced that he had met the love of his life through some Philippine Mail Order Bride agency, we all thought he was crazy. He had met Emma through an agency and followed her through Facebook. So through Facebook, all of Troy’s Facebook friends got to “see” this “romance” develop with photographs and cute little blurbs that were just plain sickening.
Being the snoop that I am, I did notice that Emma had Facebook “friends” from all over the world. All these friends of hers were men. Troy was the only one who pursued Emma and made arrangements to meet her in the Philippines.
The meeting.
So after a year communicating on Facebook, Troy takes time off work and heads for this remote town in the Philippines. More photographs are published on Troy’s Facebook page. Not only is he pictured with the happy fiancée, he is surrounded by her sisters, her parents and her grandparents. Troy is so much in love with this Mail Order Bride that he can’t see straight. He has just met his bride, but at the same time, he is meeting the new family he will be expected to support.
Look closely at the photographs. Someone is going to need medical care, dental work and help with college tuition. If you sent money to a foreign country, there is no telling where the money’s going to end up. You are merely giving blindly.
She’s here.
After going through interviews and all that red tape to get to the United States, Emma does get to California. Little is really known about Emma, other than she looks older than the young woman she claims to be. There is no talk of her attending college to better herself or what type of skills she has for the job market. This is the price she pays for coming to America. She belongs to Troy.
The reality hits.
America is the Land of Plenty, where people can work hard to achieve their dreams. Unfortunately, I know the people in my family who have lived in the Philippines and come to The Promised Land to realize that the streets are not made of gold. They realize that most people have to work for what they’ve got.
Imagine how bored Emma will be as she caters to her new American husband. Imagine her disappointment when she finds that he doesn’t live in a house. He rents. By her standards, he is not a rich man. Not like those American men depicted in the movies, television reruns and magazine ads. Troy is a simple guy who lives in a small apartment. He has no servants, doesn't wear nice suits to work or doesn’t drive a luxury car. In fact, he spent his life savings and accumulated vacation time in pursuit of Emma.
No more Facebook posts.
The happy couple has disappeared from Facebook after their storybook marriage. When you make the mistake to taking a woman from her family and friends, you’re going to have problems. Since the focus is on her new husband, the Mail Order Bride can now see how he really lives his life. Why not? She has nothing else to do.
Will this marriage last?
Would you call this a marriage at all? When you come together out of desperation, what’s the point? Troy is approaching his mid-forties. Divorced, he finally decides that he should start a family before he dies. Now, isn’t that convenient thinking? On the other hand, there’s Emma. The only way out of the Philippines is to marry a man from a foreign country---preferably, an American man. All American men are rich, aren’t they?
No word from the newlyweds. They are stuck with each other now that the newness of the marriage is now over. To save face, Troy no longer communicates with family and friends. He doesn’t want to look at us and realize that he didn’t listen when it came to seeking out his Mail Order Bride.
Emma is at the mercy of Troy’s every move. She has no support system. She left them in the Philippines, and she doubts if Troy will have enough money to send her there on a vacation.
Forget about that Mail Order Bride.
The Mail Order Bride is a vision of that perfect wife who will mold herself to you and fulfill all your needs. What you’ll end up getting is an unhappy woman who has no future and no understanding of you and the American culture.
You won’t meet her high expectations, either. In her eyes, all American men are rich. What she will find in you is plenty of disappointments. No man could ever fit her expectations—not even you. Within a year, she’ll be bored with you. Don’t be surprised if she cheats on you or finds work and leaves you.
The sad truth? The Mail Order Bride used you and your wallet to get out of her life situation. Like you, she chose the worst way to run away from her life and her problems.
You deserve each other.
A Note from Arlene: My, my, my. Make one huge mistake when it comes to love, dating and marriage, and you are guaranteed to be miserable. Take your problems as a sign to learn and move on. I promise you the best is yet to come. Check out my Hubs. I'm sure you can relate to my problems and at least get a laugh. I do hope I'm helping you out.
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the whole idea seems absurd to me... its kinda like an arranged marriage. I don't get that either. People should be free to choose.... It is like that line in Pretty Woman... I say who... I say how much... it really all boils down to the same thing.....
hey... you dropped a pine needle.
sadly... a coincident.... It has not come in the mail yet.... :-)
the only thing you should ever jump into with both feet... is a pair of pants.... hahah
Have you read A Reliable Wife? It's a historical suspense novel about a mail order bride. Great hub as always, Arlene.
OH By The Way!.... that new pic of yours... with the porcupine coaster on your head.... its the new photo for the art tab... just thought you'd like to know... :-)
I think... I clicked topic at the top of the page... and there is a list of topics and pictures... POOF... there was the porcupine head dress and one very disgruntled looking piaute indian staring back at me...
well.. .I just went to check ... and it is not there now... apparently the photo's rotate around a bit...
I am 1/4 yurok Indian... I seem to have inherited all of their superstitions... I should take up basket weaving with you... since I wont build a canoe!
The Yurok are near Klamath on the Ca Or boarder. How did you like Crescent City?
I miss the ocean too... I keep asking myself why I am still here in Sacramento...
My family were all loggers and fishermen... and pirates... those days are gone... that life is over... its all pot farms not... Cant even go in the woods
They use to harvest mushrooms... chanterells, shikake, pig, oyster, blacks, etc. I do not think its safe to do that anymore...
OMG - I Love the pic - Thanks for reminding me why I LOVE your hubs so much.
You are so right, they deserve eachother, and can only thank themselves for their new found "happiness" What American women too independent? First we are too needy then we grow some balls and now we are too outspoken, whatever I laugh merrily to my free will
Hey Arlene - I love the way you told the story of Troy and his mail order bride; I'm just dying to read the last chapter one day.
I have to say,though, that I do think many arranged marriages are different than mail order brides. My husband has worked with many guys from India over the years, several of whom went back to India to meet their brides and get married. It seems to be a huge family affair on both sides. I think it often works and their is happiness because of their culture, family, and religion. Maybe that is the difference between arranged marriages and mail order brides - arranged marriages are of the same culture and beliefs, whereas mail order marriages as you described are almost a culture clash.
This was a really interesting topic, not one that I have ever read much about before. Of course you have my vote up, interesting and awesome.
Hi, this is a fascinating hub and has openend my eyes to how dumb some people are. I've seen ads on the internet here stating "Lots of Russian Brides just waiting for you" - and beside this, are these photos of dolly birds! I don't think the pouting, silly arse females in the photos are the ones that the poor sop of a guy will end up with if he's daft enough to go through with it. You just know that something sucks about it all!
Here's hoping a few who had a notion for finding a mail order bride as a good option will read your hub and save themselves a lot of heartbreak and money!
Voted up + awesome!
I've never met a Mail Order Bride. I imagine there have to be some in Canada just like in the USA.
Haha, once I was asked if I was a mail-order bride by my redneck neighbor. I was Asian and had just come to America, so the assumption is not without grounds. Still, I was a little offended. I didn't even want to come to this country in the very first place. I was dragged here by my husband! Having said that, your story is probably played over and over in many cases--very true and good advice to any contemplating mail-order.
this is much like that Erythmics song...
You can't buy love but I guess that doesn't stop some men from trying! If you're that desperate, why not just get a Real Doll? At least then you're not screwing up the life of a real person.
This is so true. I admire this writer for his courage to tell the truth about what happens to most people who fall for the Filipino Bride scam. In fact, I just wrote something about it and I advise all desperate men to read it!
Arlene, you really seem to have a hatred of men who get so-called 'mail-order brides'. If women in the US and Canada weren't so stuck-up and picky and such entitled princesses, average guys (me included) would be pursuing them and not women overseas.
But no, women in North America, no matter how little they have to offer a man, insist that they are entitled to date and marry Brad Pitt, and that average guys need not apply. 'Strong women', my arse. They're ill-disciplined little girls putting on a strong front.
If you knew of the extreme difficulty that a lot of good men in North America are having getting dates, let alone finding worthy partners, you might change your opinion. A lot of men are not looking for supermodels. Many of us would be happy with Plain Janes
The feeling I get from your article is that you care little for the women who fall prey to the ills you describe, and are simply using their problems as a platform to bash men. And to advance the claim that every man who goes overseas to find a wife is necessarily a loser.
OK, as a little experiment, go to any online dating site and try putting up a fake profile and use a picture of a very good-looking man. Then put up another profile using a photo of an average-looking man. See how many responses from women the average looking guy can get vs. the good looking one.
Oh, and for men who can't get a date, what would you suggest? Plastic surgery so they look like Brad Pitt? Getting a job as an investment banker so they can fill up their wallets and be loved only for their money?
Trust me, if women had to endure one tenth of the rejection men do on a daily basis, they'd crumble. Your only solution, it seems, is to blame the victims, and indirectly suggest that men who don't meet some standard of physical perfection accept being alone and dateless. Because in your mind, men going overseas to fix those problems is anathema, and that every man who looks for a foreign girlfriend is, by definition, a creep.
Speaking of which, would you enjoy having to approach a lot of men and getting rejected 99% of the time?? Simply because your looks aren't perfect and you have no 'game'? Try it sometime, show the world how strong you really are. You might then understand what I'm talking about.
I would rather NOT cry about not getting dates. That's why I'm voting with my feet and going elsewhere to find them, and eventually a wife.
And I didn't say you hated men. I said that you hated men who go for so-called 'mail-order brides'.
FYI, mail-order brides don't actually exist. You can't just write a letter somewhere, pay a fee, and expect that the woman will show up on your doorstep. You have to go visit the woman in her home country, develop a relationship, and then go from there.
And, for what it's worth, mail-order brides existed in the days of the Wild West. No doubt some of the women may have been abused. But the fact that mail-order brides existed at all didn't cause the US to sink into the sea, did it?
Men do not hold a monopoly on abusive behaviour. Some foreign women abuse men by marrying them and disappearing once they get their vaunted green card. Please tell me, with a straight face, that these men were abusers. Many were simply looking for love, love that was denied them by the women in their home countries. Think about it. If you had a problem you couldn't solve with conventional methods, would you not look for options?
As for me, I'm not the slightest bit intimidated by what you call 'American Women'. I just find their stuck-up, 'look-at-me-I'm-strong' attitudes nauseating.
You strike me as being like a lot of North American women who fear men going for foreign brides. You can't bear the thought of competition, or men having any options. Because that would totally destroy the illusion of strength you think women such as yourself have.
In short, your article fails because it lacks perspective and looks at things only from one standpoint - one that appears to be ideologically driven.
I think the problem here is that many men, like Steve, want a submissive woman and are frightened by the Western woman's independence and empowerment and enlightened attitudes about gender roles.
It's also true that many sexy looking men in underdeveloped countries will charm tourist single women on trips to get a visa and leave their country, then leave the woman. So it's not really like only men get pulled into scams while looking for love. I think that the idea is bad for the man because Steve pointed out they can just be using you to get a green card, so why defend doing something where nine times out of ten you're likely to get hurt, rejected, and made a fool of?
The problem is, unattractive women I still think face a harsher dating scene than unattractive men. I mean, women are the ones mostly buying all these diet and beauty products that are marketed to us, even when they aren't in fact healthy (some nail polishes contain carcinogenic chemicals for example). A man can get by easily in the dating scene if he's basically a decent human being, but a woman almost feels like she has to be a beauty queen (especially in a big city where she's bombarded by fashion images all day, every day).
Agreed 100% as a happily engaged person.
This guy admitted he didn't want someone to love him just for his money and that's what these girls mostly are doing, at any rate. They are misled into thinking often, I believe, that everyone in the U.S. or Europe is rich. As you said in your article. It's a no-win situation.


















ThoughtSandwiches Level 7 Commenter 7 months ago
For a couple of years I worked at a Legal Document Preparation house...low cost bankruptcies, divorce, name changes and the like...one day a customer comes in wanting to divorce his (apparently) third mail order bride (these ladies came from former East Block nations)...that said...number three didn't work out. With the final paperwork being signed he said, "Yes...my next bride is coming from the Far East...Korea I believe he said...and he was happy because "eastern" girls know how to treat their men...lol. What a stupid twit he was...lol. I voted all the Ups for reminding me how happy I am that I don't work there anymore!